The Day After the Accident

It is 06:00 in the morning. I walk slowly at the airport, face down trying to contain my sadness. Just few hours ago, the love of my life got into a terrible accident. He was admitted to hospital in a very critical condition. I rushed to see him after shooting a music video in another city – terrified. I asked the doctor whether I could go inside the ICU room and luckily he gave his permission.

My knees were trembling when I saw him with I.V drip and live support equipment on his body. Tears were slowly dripping on my cheeks. I touched his hand. It felt so cold and lifeless. His breathing was so weak that I could barely feel it. In that moment, my memory flashed back to two days before the accident happened. Seungri and I had a fight – a huge one over a really trivial thing.

That day, I asked him to accompany me to a shooting location in Bussan. It would be the last two days before my departure to Paris but he refused my request softly. He said that he had meetings and an after party to attend in Gangnam.

I felt really disappointed. It wasn’t the first time he refused my request. It happened so many times that I lost count. Every time I asked him for a date, he said that he had to go somewhere with his friends from Japan or with his business relatives from China. He would take me along with him sometimes but that’s not what I wanted. I needed to be with him just the two of us – that’s all.

In a few times we spent together he was too busy receiving calls. When I asked who called him, he just answered a business partner. He also rejected me when I tried to show some affection. He brushed me off gently telling me that people were watching. When we went to a party together, he kept his distance from me and rather chose to be around girls who were automatically flocked all over him – leaving me with no space. Someone once tried to flirt with me in a party but Seungri just glanced at me and walked away. I felt really insecure with how he acted. It’s as if he didn’t care about me.

“Can’t you just attend the meetings and not the after party?” I asked quietly.
“Sorry Hyung, I can’t,” he answered while taking off his necktie in front of a large mirror in our wardrobe room.
“But, we won’t be able to meet for nearly 4 weeks. That’s literally a month long. Can’t you just do it this one time, please?
He touched my hands, caressing it, “Hyung, this after party is very important. My business partner personally invited me. It’s a way to strengthen my business relationship with him. I really can’t refuse it.”
“Ri, I’m lonely,”
“Hyung, I’m really sorry. I will make it up with you after your return from Paris. Okay?”
“Don’t you miss me, Ri?”
He turned back and hugged me – tightly, “I miss you, Hyung, so much”
“So, come with me. Don’t go to the after party.”
“Hyung…”
“I really want to be with you this one time, please,” I begged.
“Hyung, after my work and yours are done, let’s spend time together alone, hm?
“No ☹. Either you come with me this time or never, please Ri…” I clung onto him so tightly – hoping that he would say yes for my request.
“Hyung, please. Don’t be like this. Let’s spend time together when you return. We can go to Norway and enjoy the beautiful aurora in a quiet night, there. Okay?” he was still trying to persuade me.

“No…”, I burried myself even deeper in his embrace.
“Hyung, I promise. I will book the ticket right now and we will go there when you return, okay? He lifted my face up close, trying to kiss me.
“No, it’s not okay, Ri. You have no idea.” I pushed him off slowly.
“Hyung…”
“I’m serious about coming with me or never”
“Hyung…”
“Which is it, Seungri?”
“Hyung, please…it’s business, please understand it”
“No… it’s… not business. You just feel like prioritizing the person who invited you above me. Why Ri…? Are you tired of me? I spoke quietly, faced down trying to hold back my tears.
“Hyung, no! You know how much I love you”
I shook my head. “No… I don’t know anymore ☹”
“Hyung…”
“If you love me, then come with me”
“Hyung, please. I really can’t. This after party is important”

I smiled bitterly.

“Yeah, it is.” I sighed. “Fine, Ri. You can do as you please. I’m leaving.” I walked toward the apartment door with a heavy step.
“Hyung, what do you mean you are leaving?!”

He tried to grab my hand to stop me from leaving. With tears dripping on my cheeks, I looked at him and pulled away my hand. I slammed the apartment door and left.

———

That was the last time I talked to Seungri and now he is lying right in front of me – unconscious. I heard from Seungri’s manager that he left the after party very early. He told his manager that he had to go to Bussan. His manager asked him why he had to go there and Seungri just answered, “I want to see Hyung.”

Half an hour after he left the party, his manager got a phone call telling him that Seungri got into an accident. His Porsche crashed on the side road after hitting a car in front of him. It was reported that the accident happened due to Seungri’s negligence. He drove in full speed, in an extremely exhausted condition and under alcohol influence.

Tearfully, I kissed his forehead.
“Stupid Ri, why are you doing this to me…”

———

I left the ICU Room with a heavy load of guilt. It was suffocating. According to the doctor, Seungri had several broken bones and had to undergo a series of surgeries. He also suffered head injury but luckily it missed his vital point. It’s not a good thing to hear but the doctor had convinced me that Seungri could be saved.

I head straight to the airport from the hospital – lifeless. I didn’t sleep a wink and my eyes were swollen from crying too much. My mind is filled with Seungri and the fact that the accident happened because he wanted to see me is breaking my heart. I feel terrible, guilty and sad. It’s really hard to hold back my tears yet in the midst of crowd at the airport where some fans are waiting for me and screaming my name; I have to pretend as if nothing happened.

To be Continued———

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